The switch from dating to relationship
Or your spouse who’s the CEO of a company wants to go back to school to become a teacher.
Orbuch encourages couples to “discuss how much this difference or big change impacts each of you separately and impacts your relationship.” This helps to figure out if you’re OK with the change and how you’re going to deal with it. “Compromise can mean different things to different people.” It might mean going with your partner’s desires this time, your desires or meeting in the middle, she said.
See your buttons as the red-alert alarms that bring to your attention those parts of your consciousness that are begging to be changed.
Self-Love as the Foundation: The truth that your relationships mirror your inner world re-enforces the greatest relationship advice you can ever receive, that of loving yourself.
They can help you “ask different questions and think about the issue in a different way…We create different meanings as we talk to others.”For instance, say a husband doesn’t want to have kids anymore, which is all he can articulate.
After seeing a therapist, he realizes that it has little to do with wanting kids and more to do with his own insecurities about his job and providing for his family.
So the couple might consider everything from surrogacy to adoption. So they try being foster parents first, and she realizes that she is a nurturing person and wants to have kids of her own.
If certain things bother you, bring them up using “I” statements and addressing “them in a positive, [non-defensive] and respectful way.”For example, you love watching previews at the movies but always end up missing them thanks to your partner’s late arrival.You’re simply seeing your partner differently (which usually happens after the honeymoon period has passed).Also helpful is taking “responsibility for how we’re seeing the annoyance or situation,” Orbuch said.Small changes can be anything from your partner taking on a new hobby to being increasingly disorganized. And interestingly, some of these changes aren’t changes at all.Your partner probably has always been a bit on the sloppy side; it’s just that now you’re noticing this habit.