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The heart of this issue comes from the fact that dating, relationships and sex in Western countries is far more casual than in China, even in bigger, more metropolitan cities like Beijing and Shanghai.
When two Chinese go on a first date, especially dates organized by their mothers or a coven of plotting ayis, it can be a fairly serious affair, even with children/families/marriage discussed in some cases. However, at least in America, we will go on dates with people we hardly even know/like for something interesting to do, a chance at an actual future together, and—this is important—the potential for a mutually-agreed upon sexual relationship.
One of the biggest differences you’ll encounter is that parental pressure and lofty expectations play a much larger role in Chinese dating than they do in many Western countries.
The parents get a say in the matter, if not out-right organize the whole relationship.
These criticisms are 1) patronizing to the women who date foreign guys 2) slightly xenophobic and 3) not entirely unfounded.
It’s true that some foreign guys are just looking for a casual sexual relationship. Yet, the thing that tends to be left out of this discussion in the Chinese blogosphere, is that the people themselves are only acting as agents for the cultures in which they grew up.
2) Family pressures If you’ve just stepped off the plane, it’s forgivable that you don’t know the cultural differences just yet.
If you’re dating a Chinese person and you are really interested in making it work, it’s imperative to remember and respect their cultural background and influences; but don’t let yours get swept away and forgotten in the process.
Like any relationship, cross-cultural or not, it’s all about give and take.
Don’t feel ashamed or guilty if you assert yourself on an issue honestly.
If you want a casual sexual relationship, that’s fine.