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That way, you can order a second round (she's cool) or feign exhaustion after your first Negroni (she asks if you really believe in that whole Holocaust thing).

Escaping..unwanted second date: You were bored, but she's eager for round two.

It's a little weird at first, trusting a computer algorithm to pair you off.

But three weeks (and six dates) from now, you'll realize that online dating is, for better and worse, just like regular dating—and not, sadly, like ordering a pizza online.

I started watching women and seeing patterns instead of people: Not to get all Louis C. here, but online dating is some radically underrated, the-future-is-now stuff.

You're sifting through hundreds of women that have been chosen for you by a computer, then e-mailing them seconds later to set up a date. Worst-case scenario, you get a few crazy stories—"Yeah, she actually said, ' Lick my donkey' "—that make you the most interesting guy at the bar.

Relax, don't overthink it, and remember that what you're putting up is the equivalent of first-date banter.

The process is a mild inconvenience, not a confession or a trap, so just chalk it up to the cost of being proactive. This sounds like some type of Yoda koan, but try to talk about what you like, not .

And then I started to hear it: that rote, robotic tone in my voice as I told that hysterical anecdote about the road trip to Nevada. The sheer mathematical volume was turning me into an asshole.It was a Whole Foods of my own sexual imagination—and I was shopping on an empty stomach.I'd end up on five or six dates in a week, sometimes scheduling Saturday brunch and dinner dates like a football player doing two-a-days to get in shape.Don't just ignore her message—text her and explain directly (but gently) that it just didn't click for you. For years, friends told me that online dating is the best thing to happen to casual sex since the Pill and the best matchmaker since Mama.When I finally logged on, I found out that they were right: It's all of that. The number of profiles I could scroll through was overwhelming.

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Perhaps love is another form of gravity, a cosmic force bringing us together whether we like it or not. Smart, funny, driven, intelligent, athletic, inquisitive, loyal (SO loyal), fabulous, organized, a bit nerdy, living in the moment, caring, spiritual, open-minded, occasionally stubborn, and above all else, fun!

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